Dear Dan (ha, alliteration),
You may or may not know this, but I’m immensely jealous of you. I have been for the past few weeks. You’re a great dancer. You’re a man with accomplishments. You’ve got an upcoming lady friend by your side and who am I…? I’m just a boy. A boy who can’t even get a leadership position for the one thing he loves the most, his swim team. Whatever that says, I don’t know right now. But I can’t help feel defeated… that something I’ve wanted, looked forward to getting, and put all of my effort into but didn’t get… ashamed… that I have nothing to show for my hard work and dedication to something that I’ve felt so passionate about for years and years when I had the greatest role model ever, Aaron D…. and depressed… that my relationship is falling apart with my Babycake. Almost 7 months with my lady, yet it feels like she’s a complete stranger, like we know nothing about each other. Meanwhile, you’re hooking up, and I’m so happy for you. I’m so happy that your life is going so well! It’s such a great contrast to mine… I’m in tears writing this right now. You could say that all the ellipses are equal to the number of tears that I’ve shed so far.
I wish I could talk to someone about this, but really, I can’t think of one person who’s really there for me, other than mom… but I feel too ashamed to even approach her about this… I don’t know what I’d do if she walked in on me right now. Chances are she will… So I’ll end this entry here.
I hope you go far in life, Dan. You can count on me being there for you, brother. I’m sorry I didn’t go with you to WoD. I’ll be there for you next year. Count on it.
Sincerely your friend,
A.B.
Feist - Inside And Out (cover)
I used to be that man on the moon.
People think it’s funny to touch things that aren’t theirs, particularly my car. I know I wasn’t over-exaggerating, but making me angry in front of people who aren’t yet acquainted with me isn’t okay. Granted, those who were messing with my car weren’t aware I had brought someone with me, but still. Don’t touch my things. I try to take care of my things and coming to find that it isn’t functioning the way I’m used to (i.e. the steering wheel locking up and the key not turning in the ignition) makes me uneasy.
